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A Memorandum: On How NOT To Inspire A Revolution

To: The Supreme Leader & Co.

From: A little girl with a big voice

Judging from your actions leading up to and following the recent elections in the great Islamic Republic of Iran, I can’t help but believe that you must have somehow missed the memo on how to effectively avoid a revolution these days. Since nobody wants to see total chaos + anarchy—and with both quickly ensuing—I felt compelled to make sure you got this very important one ASAP.

You simply must have missed that memo. Why else would you done so many self-sabotaging things in such a short span of time? Just FYI: Avoiding revolution + a coup d’état doesn’t usually involve apparently sloppily skewing election results (Really, did you have to make Ahmadinejad win by THAT large a margin?).

“Avoiding Revolution For Dummies” also doesn’t involve additional clamping down on freedom of speech two weeks before voting day. Why, for goodness’ sake, did you have to choose censorship of Facebook, which excepting Twitter, is THE most popular media topic on the planet? You have to be aware the Facebook is akin to online crack for young people, which make up 60% of your population? Oh well, maybe you missed that memo too. Shutting down Facebook? Bet you wish you could get a re-do on that one. Not shutting down Twitter as well? Well, enough said. We all have our off days.

While we’re on the topic of poor strategic decisions, here are some additional things you might want to avoid: Shutting out and/or arresting respected foreign journalists covering protests (It reeks of corruption, desperation + something to hide), arresting the daughters of respected clergy/government leaders who brought you to power and/or allowing your military + paramilitary forces to injure or kill women* (people will rally around the safety of women, which is hard to believe I know, seeing as we are “inferior”), tear gas, dropping chemicals on your own people from helicopters (Is it really wise to sink to the level of Saddam Hussein?), not allowing people to peacefully assemble (because denying their right to express their dissent is the PERFECT way to weaken their resolve to fight the status quo), and last—though certainly not least—placing all your eggs in one increasingly unpopular + alienating basket (i.e. backing Ahmadinejad come hell or high water is probably NOT your best bet considering the rising dissatisfaction with his record within the Iranian populous and leadership–not to mention he isn’t your most beloved politician after this whole botched election thing).

Still, I fear this memo may be coming a bit late for you. And since you keep shutting down cell service, valid ISPs, and are hacking around Twitter like a 14-year-old techie genius with something to prove, you might miss this one as well. Frankly, considering the major blunders of the past few weeks (or 30 years, depending on how you look at it)—not to mention your atrocious record on women’s rights, freedom of speech, political transparency and international hate-mongering—I’m not sure you are up to the task of ruling a nation of such historical importance, cultural imminence and future potential. Perhaps it is time for a change in Iran. Perhaps, it just might (maybe!) be time to listen to the voices of the people rather than your own fears. I firmly believe in granting each of us equal opportunity. Unfortunately you may have just missed yours.

* This is especially important considering the high numbers of cameras in the streets capable of capturing such atrocities, spreading the video across the world and hardly earning any sympathy for your cause. It’s just a thought.

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4 Comments

  1. I have to admit…you ARE good!!!

    It was sooo refreshing to read you. Supreme Leader & Co. deserve it.

  2. I agree. Poor form Ayatollah… Poor form. I always thought that the best thing for his job security would have been to have a re-vote. With a re-vote, the worst case scenario is that Ahmadinejad loses his job. Without a re-vote the worst case scenario, and an increasingly likely one, is that both he and Ahmadinejad loses their jobs. If I were him, I would start looking. Although he has probably already banned the craigslist classifieds in Iran, so he’s really restricted himself.

  3. Pretty good post. I just came by your site and wanted to say
    that I have really liked reading your blog posts. Anyway
    I’ll be subscribing to your blog and I hope you write again soon!

  4. Fantastic!! You GO Girl!

    Loved reading this, so so so great!

    xoxoxoxoxo


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